Dear Friends, Family, and Strangers..

2008.

A year I will not miss, much.
A year that changed me from the inside out.
A year I made friends and lost them.
A year I grew close to my mom.
A year of hardships for everyone.
A year my life came down around me in pieces and was slowly built up from scratch.
A year I found God again, and yet don't seem to have a full grip on it all.
A year I became a SL addict.
A year I went to college.
A year I tried new things.
A year that is important in my life.

I look back on this year, and wonder. The beginning of this year I was so lost, confused, angry. Since then, I'm still a little lost and confused, but the anger has become a dull roar. I'm not as emotional as I used to be, I'm not like the ticking time bomb waiting to blow. Lets go through this year..

The first few months..my faith was completely broken, I had lost a friend to suicide, I was angry with everyone, especially myself. I found hope in a friend who ended up stabbing me in the back a few times, but by then I had found friends that were always there for me. I graduated from highschool, had chosen a college, the summer flew by, I thought I had fallen in love..I worked on a cherry farm. Autumn came, and thus started school. It seemed easy, and the school part, was, the emotional, mental, physical part...not so much. I went through so many trials, ended up coming home right before thanksgiving for surgery. Since that day I've become relaxed, comfortable with myself. I have fallen in love, but that may pass, I hope not. I've made many friends this year, I hope to keep them even if I move to the west coast. At the end of the year, I am sick...I will spend the day in bed and the evening probably in bed as well.

So this is my farewell to the year of toughness, the year of change, the year that has made me who I am today.

Changes Changes Changes...

So, I know there will be people who won't want to hear this, but I'm fairly positive I'm transferring college next year. My brother is applying to a master's program at Seattle Pacific, I like Covenant but I can't see myself studying there for the next few years, Seattle Pacific offers majors I am interested in...its also in the middle of Seattle, so lots of things to do...now all I have to do is convince my dad...lol..so yeah, thats what I've been thinking about this past week.

I remember why i like school better...why i need to get out of here. a five letter word that makes everyone cringe "drama"

Life..would be so much better if people talked to you straight.

At this moment in time, i feel like someone has stabbed me about five times and left me to die in the street.

Thus is life.

The weather outside it frightful...

I don't know where to begin today, except for the fact that my friends are everything to me. I know they will pass by, and I will make new friends, and I already have made new friends, but the bond we have is unlike one that I have ever had with any of my friends in my life. When you spend so much time with one group of people they become apart of who you are and who you want to be. I might not be the brightest person when I'm with them, but I feel like I am myself. College has taken me on many twists and turns and through hell basically. I'm not saying its all bad, just the trials I've gone through to get to where I am today are not ones I would like to repeat. I've had a lot of time to think about my future, to think about what I want in my life...and I've come up with a few ideas, but none of them are ones that I could see happening tomorrow, so why worry? Look around yourself, what is it that truly makes you, you? Last night was the first time I actually felt like I was back to normal...is that bad? I guess not because I've been put through a meat slicing machine and been expected to jump through hoops and make a new life in a matter of months. I love my college friends, but I realize its going to take more than just a few months for me to become who I am with them that I am with the friends, I in a sense "grew up with"..those people that were with me through some of the toughest times of my life so far, even this surgery was spent away from my college friends...

"If we ourselves become who we want to be, by ourselves, then whom do we have to share it with?"

Life is about community, I have to remember that when I want to hide away from it all.

Can I have your number? Can I? Can I have it?

So i turned in my exam and essay for lit. I've still not done the essay for comp, but I just don't know about that one. today was a sucky day...in pain and torture my knee popped, meaning i cried for the first time in there, and whilst talking to TJ, oh, that was fun...he thought I was dying or something...then I had chinese and the lady gave me the wrong order and wouldn't take it back..then I got home and my new kitten was acting sick so I took him to the vet, turns out he gots a stomach and eye infection. then i came back and the door was locked...I don't have a key, the workers had locked me out, so I went to my neighbors, to get a key and when I opened the door Noah knocked me over and bolted out the door...took me a half an hour to find him...i know this sounds all petty, but it was insane...luckily I got in so i could do my exam, which i stressed about and it was probably total crap...bleh, ok, well...I'm done..ranting..lol

Hm..this is new. I'll try it.